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Title: The Pirate Fic, (Logan/Veronica), PG-13, 1/1
Subtitle A: Buckle My Swash
Subtitle B: The Final Chapter in the Cheesiest Pirate Romance Novel Ever
Author: jacedesbff
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica, mentions of Duncan/Veronica
Word Count: 1,674
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and sexual situations
Summary: Logan is a pirate; Veronica is a lady. Any questions?
Spoilers: Familiarity with Season 1 required.
Disclaimer: Rob Thomas invented the characters and absolutely never conceived of this unbelievable crack!fic
All previous chapters may be found at my LJ.

A/N: Merry Christmas, Mercedes!

She wanted L/V fluff. And people? She got it. Heh. In the most crackedy-cracked-up crack!fluff/crack!fic way ever imagined. Yes, it’s supposed to read like a bad romance novel. I just wanted to let you know that I’m aware of that. *hides face in horror at what she has done*

Um, yeah, so I read this to Mercedes (a.k.a. candlewaxdreams) before I posted it, it being her Christmas present, and if any of you laugh as hard as we did, I wish you luck in making it to the end. Btw, I wouldn’t let her beta it b/c I felt that would defeat the purpose, so all mistakes are mine. I also have to send a shout-out to sarah_p, because any time crack!fic is written, in particular anything THIS cracky, she needs a shout-out. The fluff being this cracky? Oh, yeah, all her fault!

And you know I am dying to hear your comments!

Lady Veronica stood looking at herself in the full-length mirror, wearing the most beautiful wedding gown she had ever seen. Her hair was a work of art and her necklace and ear bobs were worth more money than she had ever dreamed. Too bad she was more miserable than she had ever been in her life.

She was about to walk down the aisle and marry the most eligible man in Neptune, Massachusetts, Lord Duncan Kane. Every eligible female in New England would dance on hot coals for the opportunity that she had and Veronica would give anything not to have it.

Lady Veronica Mars didn’t want nice, safe, predictable Duncan, only child of the wealthiest scion in the colonies. No, the daughter of the high constable had given her treacherous heart—and her body—to the most infamous pirate to ever troll the Seven Seas, Captain Logan Echolls.

It had started out so innocently. Veronica had gotten herself into one of her trademark scrapes. She was forever jumping in to help her father with his cases, ignoring Duncan’s protests and the sneers of Neptune’s society ladies. This time, though, sneaking around on the docks at dusk had gotten Veronica more than a torn stocking.

She had run afoul of Logan and his first mate, Richard “Dick” Casablancas, and been hauled back to Logan’s ship, The Freedom, along with the rest of their booty. At first she had been hell on the high seas for Logan and his crew, taking every opportunity to make their lives miserable. Still the captain hadn’t let her go home.

Then she had gotten to know how they operated, had realized that Logan gave his crew a greater-than-usual share of the profits in order to demand not only their loyalty, but to be able to dictate the very specific terms under which his men labored. There was no raping; there was no wholesale slaughter of women and children; individual lives were valued. The young captain waged an entirely different type of piracy than that of which he was so often accused.

And who could overlook, of course, how devastatingly handsome he was while he did it. Wearing his hair shorter than the popular fashion of the day, partial to silk shirts with elaborate ruffles at the throat and wrists, Logan Echolls knew how to frame his boyish good looks. And Veronica was not immune, whatever ruse she had put up to the contrary.

There had been twists and turns, supposed betrayals and overheard conversations, and one magical night. Only to be followed by the appearance on the horizon of a well-armed ship of the Royal Navy, sent by Veronica’s betrothed to bring his intended safely home. None of those on board ever dreaming that said bride did not wish to be “rescued”.

Rather than let the Royal Navy sink the ship of the man that she loved and the crew that she had come to consider friends, Veronica had leapt into the sea, away from Logan’s arms and into those of a man who left her cold.

So here she stood, adorned like a princess, more miserable than the lowliest chimney sweep.

The door to her bedchamber opened.

“Molly?” she asked, expecting to see her chambermaid.

“Veronica,” answered a male voice.

She twirled to find her soon-to-be-husband, Duncan Kane, standing in her doorway.

He wasn’t without merit, her fiancé. In fact, many people considered Duncan to be very handsome. Veronica supposed that he was, as long as he wasn’t being compared to Logan. They were such opposites, yet it was well-known that as children they had been close friends. Until the Echolls family’s penchant for piracy had come between them.

Veronica turned back to her mirror. “Don’t you know that it’s bad luck to see the bride on the day of the wedding?” She tried to make her voice light and happy, as a bride’s voice should sound, but she knew that she failed.

“Lady Veronica—“

You’re about to marry me, Duncan! Why are you still so formal?! her inner voice cried out. Why can’t you be more like— She cut off her inner voice and tried to focus on Duncan’s words.

“I know it’s not proper for me to be here, but I had to see you. You’ve been so troubled since you returned from that horrible ship. I can only imagine what was done to you—what you may have been forced to do, but I don’t care, darling! I don’t!”

Veronica was surprised. This was the most emotion she had ever seen from Duncan. He hadn’t even gotten flushed when he asked her to marry him.

“Lord Duncan—“ she began.

“Just Duncan, my lady. We are about to be married, after all,” his eyes were beseeching.

Good to know that she wasn’t the only one picking up on the awkward undercurrent of formality in their relationship.

She took a steadying breath.

“It’s all been so rushed, that’s all,” she lamely tried to brush away his concerns.

Duncan moved forward and anxiously took her hands in his. “I know you’ve only been home a week, but we discussed this. We both felt that we had to make up for lost time, get married as soon as possible after missing our intended wedding day.”

Veronica had been kidnapped nine days before the original date.

She looked down at their joined hands. They were nice hands; she just wished that they were the right ones.

“What’s wrong, Veronica? Tell me. What’s wrong?” her fiancé implored.

“The problem is that she’s in love with someone else, you idiot,” said a strong voice from the other side of the room.

Veronica yanked her hands out of Duncan’s and turned to see Logan standing just inside her window, framed in the early morning sunshine, wearing a snowy white shirt, black leather pants and thigh-high leather boots. It took all of her willpower not to throw herself into the arms of the man she loved. She was afraid that if she did so, Duncan would call in the guards and march Logan off to the gallows.

“Logan Echolls,” spat out Duncan with more passion than he had ever demonstrated towards his fiancée.

“Captain Echolls,” Logan corrected casually.

“It’s been a long time,” Duncan went on stiffly.

“Yes, it has,” and Logan’s mask wavered, if only for a moment.

Knowing him as well as she had come to, Veronica knew that Logan felt relationships and loyalties very deeply. Even though it had been many years, his friendship with Duncan would still ring important to Logan.

“You may have kidnapped Lady Veronica and kept her away from those of us who truly love her, but now she is back where she belongs. You have no place here. I should call the guard down on you this instant.”

“But you won’t.” Logan moved at last, farther into the room. “Because you want to know if I’m telling the truth.”

“Why would I possibly care what nonsense you have to throw at me?”

“Because Lady Veronica was away from you for months, Duncan. Plenty of time to fall in love with someone else. If she was ever in love with you to begin with, that is.”

Duncan was livid with rage.

“I demand satisfaction!”

“Oh, calm down before you give yourself a heart attack. Besides, I could always beat you in a sword fight and you know it.”

Veronica bit the inside of her lip to keep from giggling. Logan had told her many colorful stories of his and Duncan’s youthful adventures, including a few that included swordplay. According to Logan, those had usually ended with Duncan’s backside getting the flat end of a blade, but of course she had only been hearing one side of the story. The present pursed expression on Duncan’s face made her wonder, though, if there had not been more than a modicum of truth to those stories.

Logan turned away from his childhood friend.

“Veronica, do you want to marry Duncan?”

She couldn’t help it, she had to answer truthfully.


“Marry me, Veronica.”

The morning after their night of passion, Logan had been momentarily frozen when Veronica had pointed out that now he had to marry her.

“Why?” she asked, needing to know his motives before she could commit herself to him.

“Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

That was all she needed to hear.

“Yes,” Veronica said, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.


Duncan’s whispered entreaty reminded the two lovers that they weren’t alone.

Decked out in her wedding finery, Veronica turned to the man who woke up that morning expecting to marry her.

“I’m so sorry, Duncan. I never meant to hurt you.” She stepped forward and reached out to take his hands, but he pulled away. “Duncan, if—if you ever loved me at all, please—please let us go.”

“Go! Just go!” Duncan cried and turning from his former fiancée, he raced from the room without another word.

“I think that would be our cue to exit quickly,” noted Logan.

Veronica ran across the room and would have thrown herself into his arms had Logan not swept her into his embrace first. With the morning sun pouring down its blessing, Captain Logan Echolls kissed Lady Veronica Mars with all of the passion in his heart.


Later that morning, as they repeated their earlier kiss, this time with the setting of The Freedom to frame them, Logan pulled away and looked into Veronica’s eyes.

“We’re docking at the first available port and we’re finding a church. I need to make an honest woman out of you.”

“And not a moment too soon,” Veronica said definitively.

“What on earth are you talking about?” asked Logan.

“You want our child to have a name, don’t you?” She took his hand and placed it on her still-flat abdomen.

“Really?” asked Logan, wonder flowing across his features.

His hands in hers, Veronica said with all of her considerable intensity, “I love you, Captain Logan Echolls.”

He returned her feelings in equal measure. “I am forever yours, Lady Veronica Mars.”

Sometimes it isn’t the sunset that gets sailed into. Sometimes it’s a sunrise.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 23rd, 2009 07:42 am (UTC)
So cute! Who could really blame Lady Veronica for falling in love with Captain Logan Echolls in all his pirate glory? Loved it! :-)
Jul. 23rd, 2009 12:17 pm (UTC)
Hee! I swear I giggled non-stop as I wrote this! LOL
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )